Body Image

 Yuck. Just typing the title "Body Image" makes me want to gag. Why do women and girls have to talk about our bodies so much? Why is it in our minds so often? 

In a perfect world, we would all accept the way we are, enjoy delicious food, exercise because it makes us feel good, and wear the size we wear. I would want this for my daughter, wouldn't everyone?

Hadley wears one shirt. She wears one pair of shorts. Who cares, right? Wash and wear. Except that her floor is piled with clothes she tries on over and over. She cries every time. They go back to the pile, and she wears the same shirt and shorts. They are loose enough and long enough. Everything else is too tight, too long, too loose, too short, too scratchy. To me, they all look good on her. They all, in fact, look like they fit in a similar way. 

A couple of weeks ago, I bought Hadley some new shirts. (You see, at this point, I would buy her designer clothes if I thought she would actually WEAR them. I have tried everything.) I bought a couple of shirts at Goodwill (worn and washed a million times--aka stretched out and soft), and I bought some new shirts at Academy Sports. She tried them on, and called me to her room. 

Sobbing.

Hysterical sobbing.

"I can't wear anything. I don't look good in anything."

"Yes, you do. You look great! You are an athlete." This has been our focus. Point out the good things about her body. Point out the strength, the athleticism, the way her body can run fast and play soccer, do backflips on the trampoline, and swim all day in the summer.

"I don't like the way I look in anything. My belly sticks way out, and I don't like the way it looks, and I hate always giving the clothes to Charlie. It's not fair that he always gets the cool clothes." 

Oh, yikes. He does. They wear the same size. He has a totally different body type, which he also hates as a 14-year-old boy, but when Hadley doesn't like the new clothes, we typically gift them to Charlie, who could care less and will wear anything you hand him. It has been my strategy for not having to return anything.

In the past, I have always just said, "You're perfect the way you are." This time was different. I felt like I could actually do something to HELP her. But should I?

"Do you want me to help you? We could look at the foods we have and maybe get some different foods--NOT a diet, just change some things." She was so thankful and ready to change something. Excited, even. Then, she said, "Why do my friends eat all the foods they want and stay like Charlie? Charlie eats lots of junk food and stays that way. I know lots of kids that don't eat healthy." 

Ugh. I looked at her and said, "You know what? Some things are not fair. Some people can eat whatever they want. Some people never have to think about food--well, until they are older--and some people have to think about it more to be comfortable with their bodies. You have to figure out what works for you and what makes you feel good."

I have had my own ups and downs with this body image thing. From gaining weight to becoming obsessed with losing it, to gaining more weight to finally finding a balance of living and loving food and life. It's hard to find that balance when you are young.

Hadley and I bought some healthier options of the same foods she usually eats, replacing tortillas with lower-carb ones, buying lots of fruit, and focusing more on portion size and not restriction. The girl loves food, and I do not want her to lose the savoring of every bite.

So far, she is feeling good about what she is doing, eating "healthier" and making different choices. She doesn't want to be "skinny." She just wants to wear her own clothes that are her size and feel good about it. 

I still struggle with it all. Am I doing the right thing? Am I messing her up for life? Isn't this what we all think about when it comes to our kids? 

And I'm not going to lie. If she said, "Mom, forget it. I'm going to eat what I want and just be happy that way," I would totally support that. 

I just want to see my kid happy with herself. 

For now, she is still wearing the same shirt and shorts, holding on to hope that she will feel good in her other clothes soon.

And I will continue telling her she is perfect in every way. Just the way she is.