Birthdays and Bonds

 Hadley's birthday. It's always an event. 

I don't mean that as in large parties and money spent. Her expectations for what we are all going to do for her have blown up in a You-Tube-vlog-watcher fantasy. 

"Since my birthday is on Sunday, I'm going to wake up on Saturday and open a Stem gift--" Okay, wait.  A what? 

"--then I will build my stem gift. I want a day with you, just us. We will go shopping and have lunch out to eat somewhere. I don't know where yet. On Saturday night, I will open another gift and go out to eat or something. Then, on Sunday, on my REAL birthday, I will open all the other gifts."

That's not all. 

"--and don't forget to decorate the house after I go to bed. And put the HAPPY BIRTHDAY signs in the yard. I know you forget things, but I really don't want you to forget this."

High standards? I'm exhausted just writing it all. Sheesh.

Here is her list she made a month ahead of time. She marked out the things she got in preparation for Christmas. The girl is always prepared.

Oh, I almost forgot the Birthday Countdown! She created a Countdown Calendar and Paper Chain, so she could cut a chain link every day until her birthday. She also wrote down her "Sunday Meal" choices, in case anyone forgot. Obviously, she doesn't trust my memory.

Cut to Saturday morning. Hadley had already opened a Mario Lego Set, which I counted as a "stem gift," so we proceeded to our day out shopping. Of course, she had to approve of my outfit. She wanted me to wear something nice, not a tee shirt and jeans, but something more like a "regular mom." She actually prefers it when I wear dresses and red lipstick and does not approve of my tee shirts and running clothes. I wasn't feeling a dress and any lipstick, so she settled for a denim shirt and black pants. She said, "You look like a teacher, but the pants are nice, so it's okay." Okay...

Hadley chose PDQ for lunch. 

We started our shopping day at the mall, since we never go to the mall. I'm pretty sure Hadley has only been to the mall as a toddler to visit the Dillards playland. We haven't been since. Not going to lie, the mall freaked me out a little. It was CROWDED for Covid times. At one point, Hadley said, "You aren't talking." I was focused on getting around people while staying far away from them and getting the heck out of there.

We went to Target next, because, well, Target is fun, even if you are shopping for toothpaste. By the time we left Old Navy, it was dark, which was especially impressive for someone like me who doesn't like shopping for lengths of time. 

We didn't buy much, but in the end, Hadley said, "This was the best day I've ever had."

Gulp.

I used to have these days all the time with my mom. We would go almost every weekend and just "look around," barely buying anything. We would have lunch out and have the best time together. I told Hadley how she and I have the such a similar relationship to my mom and me. I really couldn't get enough of my mom. She was the most fun person to be around. She was also the most loving, most encouraging person I knew. 

I forget the good times sometimes. My mom's last five or so years of life were spent mostly traveling to doctor's offices and treating issues that arose from chemotherapy or other treatments. I told my husband the other day that I barely remember the good times with my mom, which I hate. When I think back, all I can see are the sick years and the slow loss of her that I experienced, like a nightmare I try to push away.

Shopping with Hadley, however small of an act, brought back so many good memories of just being with my mom. 

Sometimes I worry that Hadley is too attached to me. I am letting that go. I was "attached", some might say, to my mom. What we really had, though, wasn't an attachment. It was a bond. A respect between a parent and child (and later adult), but also a deep friendship that no one else could give. 

I look at Hadley in awe (really, both kids). I never dreamed I would have this bond with a 10-yr-old. I can't help but look at her and think about her future relationships. She is the most thoughtful, caring soul, and is going to have such full relationships because of it. 

Happy birthday, Babe. Nana would be so proud of you.