Shirts

AH! The weather! It has been so nice here. It's such a gift to have perfect Spring weather during a quarantine when all you can do for fun is go outside. Hadley is VERY hot natured, only wearing pants when it is below 40 degrees in Winter. For real. We literally check every day in Winter to see if it is "warm enough" to wear shorts. Naturally, in 80 degrees, the girl has to be in some water. So, we have been spending a lot of time at our neighborhood lake beach area. 

The Summer always brings up a controversial topic: the swim shirt. Every year, since she could talk, Hadley has not wanted to wear a shirt. 
"She wants to be like her brother," people would say. Her brother has always worn a swim shirt. 

This picture of her recently showed up in my Facebook memories, and I remember her looking for her swim shorts. She got SO mad at me, because she didn't have REAL swim shorts. She pitched a royal fit, and I eventually talked her into wearing running shorts. 

When Hadley was three, four--heck, even six--people didn't care that she wasn't wearing a shirt at their pool, at the beach, or anywhere. 

"It doesn't matter," they would say. "She's little."

Every year, I would say, "Hadley, one day you will wear a shirt. You're a girl, and girls get boobies, and you will have to wear a swim shirt."

It seems like every year after the last, my husband and I would say that next year was the year. 

"You're going to be 7...You're going to be 8..."

Last year she was 8. We fought it for a little while, and she fought back. Honestly, she looked like a boy. She had NO BOOBS. To strangers, she looked like any boy at the beach or pool. To friends, they were used to it, right? It's the "way she was." Not so much.

When going to our annual end-of-the-year pool party with some of our closest friends, my friend told me that, "Hadley needs to wear her shirt." Mmmm, okay. I didn't like being told what to do, but I told Hadley to wear her shirt. She did. At first. Then, off the shirt came, as all the boys took theirs off. I didn't fight it. I internally fought a lot of things, but I didn't fight with my daughter about wearing a shirt. Not yet. Not now. Now, she was a kid. I let her be a kid. I let her be carefree and not have her boobs or a period or any worries in the world, except how long she could hold her breath underwater.

Fast forward to Saturday of last week.  We were getting ready to meet some friends down at the lake. 

"Do I HAVE to wear a shirt? Do I HAVE to?" She was begging me to say no.

"Yes," I said. "You are nine. You are going to have to wear a shirt or bathing suit top."

Now, I'm not going to lie. My friends have often suggested that Hadley "just wear a bathing suit top." Well, you picture this: A boy (because let's be real and pretend you don't know her) is at the pool or beach with you in his shorts, short hair, and a BIKINI TOP. Who is getting more stares from strangers? The one you think is a boy that has no shirt on, or the one you think is a boy, wearing shorts and a bikini top? Hadley is no dummy, and she knows this is not part of the equation. 

Again, she said, "PLEASE, can I just take those pills to not have boobs? I don't want to ever wear a shirt!" (She is talking about hormone blockers--see first post.) 

I looked at my precious little girl right in her face, and I said, "Listen. If one day, you want to take hormones to change your body, you can, but not at 9-years-old. For now, you are going to have to love yourself and get through it. You are going to have to get boobies and a period and all of it. Then, when you are old enough, you can make choices like that. Kids cannot make choices like that. I did not want boobs when I was your age. I promise you I didn't. I also promise you that when you get down at the beach, you are going to be having so much fun, you will totally not care about your shirt or anything else that you are wearing."

She reluctantly put on the shirt and wore it. She had a fantastic day.

Part of Hadley's struggle with shirts is her body image. She has struggled with thinking she is "fat," and doesn't like the way shirts look on her. This is a totally different issue, and all of this together led me to find a counselor for her. She has been seeing her wonderful counselor for about a year now, and they are working on loving her strong body, as well as being confident with who she is. 

We struggle almost every day with this, and often Hadley wears the same shirt every day. The one thing I am not going to worry about is clothes. If she will wear SOMETHING, I'm good with it and not fighting it.

What are you fighting? What do you, as a parent, think is worth the fight? 

For me, outer appearance is not worth the fight. What other people think is not worth the fight. I might struggle with inner demons, but I will NOT fight that battle on the outside. My child being who she is is worth the fight. My child knowing that she can be whoever she knows in her soul that she is supposed to be is worth the fight. My daughter knowing that I love her and support her BECAUSE of who she is, not "no matter what" she is is WORTH THE FIGHT.