I Think My Kid Might Be Gay

It was 2015. It was a sunny, warm day. Hadley was five. We were doing one of her favorite things--getting her hair cut, colored, or both. 

A guy on a flashy green motorcycle rode up in front of the huge windows and walked in. I glanced over at Hadley as she stared admiringly.

"Are you going to have a motorcycle like that one day, Hadley?" I asked her.

"No," she said, "but I'm going to have a girlfriend and a baby."

What? Kids are so random, especially five-year-olds. Random, but I still felt like she was telling me something. 

I told my stylist the story as she rinsed my hair in the sink, the way you tell any cute story about what a five-year-old says.

"She just came out to you!" she said, sounding excited. "Hey," she said to the stylist next to her. "Listen to this." I told him the story and got the same response. Since I knew he was gay, I said, "Do you think she could know this young?" 

He proceeded to tell me this story: 

"I remember when I was seven, and my dad and I were walking down the sidewalk in town. This good-looking woman walked by with a man. My dad said, 'Dang, son, isn't she pretty?' She was pretty, but I remember thinking, 'She is, but that man is prettier.' She knows," he said.

Holy crap! My daughter came out to me! 

I told my husband the cute story when we got home and asked him what he thought. He wisely said, "I will support her no matter what."

Her brother overheard us talking, so I explained the story about his little sister. I said, "She might have a girlfriend or wife one day, and that's okay." He bounced away. 

Others weren't quite so supportive. Several friends I told said that Hadley was probably going through a phase, and that no five-year-old could know that yet. One friend even told me to be careful not to give her any ideas, as if I might make her gay by discussing it with her. 

I didn't want to tell my family about any of it. I was raised in the South in a Southern Baptist home. My mom told me, "The Bible says being homosexual is a sin. It is wrong." Period. I accepted it. I remember being in a breakfast one Sunday morning, and the speaker was a man who used to "live in sin as a homosexual." He talked about how God saved him from his sin, even though he struggles with it every single day. God was the only reason he could hold on to his wife and children. I was enthralled at this story as a child and could not believe this man lived such a disgusting life of homosexuality before. 

This is why I did make sure to discuss it with her. I told her that in some cities and towns, there are a LOT of gay people, but that where we live there might not be. I told her that some people are going to tell her that being gay is bad or wrong, but that there is nothing wrong with her or who she loves. 

My mission at this point with my five-year-old was to show her, as mentioned in my last post, that she could marry whoever she wants and be happy like any heterosexual person. I showed her women who were married to women, men married to men, and nonbinary people who were married to other nonbinary people, men, or women. 


One day, Hadley came home from second grade and said, "Justin said gay is bad. So did Amy." I listened. She then said, "I just said, 'No, it's not.' You can marry whoever you want.'" Then, she said this: "I know you said people might say it's bad, but I just remembered my Mommy said it's not bad, so it didn't make me sad." 

Did you get that last part? Read it again and again, if you are struggling with accepting your child. She wasn't even sad that her peers were telling her she was BAD and WRONG. She didn't care, because her MOMMY told her she was okay and could marry anyone she wants. 

I know of several little children who have gone through some form of conversion therapy, because they weren't conforming to gender norms. NUMEROUS studies show that this causes irreversible psychological damage to people.

When I first talked to my LGBTQ friends about Hadley, I asked every one if we should just move. Should we go somewhere more diverse? Should we get out of our small Southern town? Every single friend said that the only thing that matters is that she is supported by family. Not tolerated. Accepted. 

Now, Hadley is nine, and she knows that one day she will have a girlfriend and would like to have a wife. She thinks she would love to have some children and thinks she wants to be a teacher, like Mom and Dad. Whatever her future holds, we will be with her every step of the way.