Long Division

 I recently received an email from a 7th grade girl.

"Would you please call me James? I do not like it when people call me Allison or Allie. I like James. Can you call me that?"

I won't go into the logistics of all of that. There are procedures counselors and teachers must follow when a child expresses that they want a name change or gender identity change, but for me it is pretty simple. I will call you whatever you want.

On a side note: I remember one year I taught fourth grade, and when I called role, I said, "Melissa," and she said, "Here. But I go by Amy." Okay, Amy. Cut to October parent-teacher conferences, and I said, "Amy..." Her mom said, "Who? My daughter is Melissa." I said, "She told us she goes by Amy." Her mom said, "No she doesn't!" This story always cracks me up, and I share it at the beginning of the year when I ask kids to please tell me the name they want to be called and how the ADULT in the house pronounces it. 

I shared my email from my student with Hadley, who was sitting next to me when I read it. (Of course I didn't share a name, even though she doesn't know the students I teach.)

She immediately said, "That's cool that she told you that. Did you know that some people don't tell their family that they want to marry a girl until they are going to actually get married? Can you believe that? I'm glad I can tell you anything, because that would be weird to not tell someone that until later. It's not a big deal or anything. Well, I know it is to some people." 

Then, she looked at me with her big blue eyes and said, "You are my biggest supporter."

Gulp.

I said, "I always will be. No matter what."

Last week on the way home from soccer practice, Hadley said, "That was fun. I really like my team. I still get anxiety when I go. Isn't that weird? Like my tomboy stuff and all, I get anxiety before practice." 

That's what she calls herself. Tomboy. 

She couldn't exactly express what she has anxiety over, but she recognizes it is always okay in the end. Whatever was making her worry was gone by the end of whatever event was taking place. 

I assured her that no, it is not weird. I mean, I get a little anxiety just being in a group. Doesn't everyone? No? I get a little anxiety attending a meeting, teaching a class, or pretty much anything that involves other people. I told her this is normal for most people. 

Hadley deals with her anxiety a little by, I think, overplanning. She has practice at 6:00. She changes clothes at 4:00. She eats a small meal at 4:30. She finished getting ready by 5:00, and she wants to leave so she can be ridiculously early. Then, she rolls her eyes at her brother who only has to get his cleats to be "ready." 

She is SO prepared and determined, though, that when something is hard, she gets really frustrated (like everyone else), angry, and just wants to quit. Enter long division.

If you have never taught long division, you have avoided something that resembles teaching your 80-yr-old family member how to navigate the Cloud. I have at times thought if evil exists, it is in the form of long division. And I like math.

After many breakdowns, "I hate math"'s (which is NOT okay to say in this house!), and "I hate school"'s (she doesn't--she loves it), I finally said, "Long division is hard. You can do hard things."

She got it. A week later, she got it. "See?" I said. "You can add that to the list of hard things you have done."

The interesting thing about Hadley for me is that she doesn't want to read books about girls "like her." She isn't excited when the library has a new book called, "I am Not a Girl." If I point them out, she says, "Mo-om," like a teenager who has been talked to about safe sex. 

The thing about Hadley is that she doesn't want her differences to be a big deal. To her, they are not a big deal. Her hair is short. She wants to one day "marry a girl." She doesn't need a book to tell her it's okay. She doesn't want to talk about it, because fourth graders don't want to talk about dating or marriage. She wants to talk about sports and toys, Christmas movies and baking. She wants to make Tik Toks and try new outfits. 

She wants to master long division.

She wants to just be.

Just be her.

And I will always let her know that "just being herself" is always enough.